Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Prodigal
Usually, during this time of the year, I would receive forwarded emails or text messages about Christmas. Saying how people tend to forget inviting the celebrant during His own birthday. I would normally scanned through it, then either delete it, or if boredom and slight guilt permit, forward it to some of my contacts.. then delete it. This morning, was just like one of those days when I opened my mail. Only because I was still too lazy to do real work, I actually read it, word after word. It speaks of the same meaning, just like any similar stories, but this time, it moved me to tears. My officemates chatting nonchalantly in the background, I felt the tinge in my throat and my eyes were then half open, desperately concealing that it hit me, hard.
I missed Him. I missed those times when no day will pass without me talking to Him. Telling Him stories like He’s my most attentive roommate. Rain or shine, I’d pay Him a visit in one of my most favorite place on Earth along Katipunan, below the flyover. Or in my other refuge in front of UP Infirmary. When my father was fighting for dear life inside Medical City’s ICU, my mother and brothers were crying our eyes out, begging Him to help us face those moments. He never failed us. The experience actually brought us closer to Him more than ever.
But I don’t know what happened since then. I just woke up one morning feeling like I had drifted myself apart from Him. Like I felt being a rebel. But without a cause. I didn’t recognize Him anymore. I have forgotten. How to talk to Him. How it feels like to be close to Him. How to love Him.
He paid us a visit a few days ago and I felt like He’s a stranger. It’s shameful. I never said a single word to Him. It felt like seeing an ex-best friend after you’ve had a falling out. I wanted to tell Him I’ve missed Him. But I was too ashamed of myself, words just didn’t come out.
Back to the above-mentioned email. After reading it, I immediately realized that I will always have a place in His heart. Then I'd suddenly felt the intense urge to tell Him that I very much want to invite Him in mine again. I wish to bring back the closeness. The friendship. The love. I wish to learn how to go back to how things were like between us. I wish to invite Him over for Christmas. To let Him know that even during our falling out moments, I still look forward to His birthdays. That in my heart, I always wish He’s happy. If only I knew how to start over.
I missed Him. I missed those times when no day will pass without me talking to Him. Telling Him stories like He’s my most attentive roommate. Rain or shine, I’d pay Him a visit in one of my most favorite place on Earth along Katipunan, below the flyover. Or in my other refuge in front of UP Infirmary. When my father was fighting for dear life inside Medical City’s ICU, my mother and brothers were crying our eyes out, begging Him to help us face those moments. He never failed us. The experience actually brought us closer to Him more than ever.
But I don’t know what happened since then. I just woke up one morning feeling like I had drifted myself apart from Him. Like I felt being a rebel. But without a cause. I didn’t recognize Him anymore. I have forgotten. How to talk to Him. How it feels like to be close to Him. How to love Him.
He paid us a visit a few days ago and I felt like He’s a stranger. It’s shameful. I never said a single word to Him. It felt like seeing an ex-best friend after you’ve had a falling out. I wanted to tell Him I’ve missed Him. But I was too ashamed of myself, words just didn’t come out.
Back to the above-mentioned email. After reading it, I immediately realized that I will always have a place in His heart. Then I'd suddenly felt the intense urge to tell Him that I very much want to invite Him in mine again. I wish to bring back the closeness. The friendship. The love. I wish to learn how to go back to how things were like between us. I wish to invite Him over for Christmas. To let Him know that even during our falling out moments, I still look forward to His birthdays. That in my heart, I always wish He’s happy. If only I knew how to start over.
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