Thursday, June 08, 2006
Goodbyes
Flat line.
Code Blue!
CPR.
Buhayin ang namatay na blog. Too much House and Grey's Anatomy marathons, forgive me.
It just occured to me. I never had the chance to give my academic life a proper goodbye. Come on, I've been a struggling student since I was 3 (seryoso! 3 yrs old pa lang ako, pinilit ko na ang parents kong ipasok ako sa school, kahit saling-ketket lang. At the age of 5, gusto ko na magsulat nang scripted. freak. So technically, 2 decades akong estudyante at yun lang ang alam kong buhay!) Going back, perhaps because, I am never good at goodbyes. When I get too attached to something, the moment I realized that I will have to let go of that soon, dini-detach ko na agad ang sarili ko. So after I left the university, I held back all my sentiments, pushed it at the back of my head. Move on like nothing had drastically changed in my life.
The problem with my way of dealing with goodbyes is that, soon enough, it haunts me. It creeps out of the selective amnesia portion of my head and hit me back. One time, big time. Usually, it happens in the most unexpected places like while you are queueing for eternity in Edsa Central terminal. Or inside a cramped fx on your way home. Hindi lang siya nakakawala ng poise at nakakasira ng eyeshadow, nagmumukha ka pang freak sa mga katabi mo. ("nag-break kaya sila ng boyfriend niya?" "namatayan kaya siya ng aso?", "nasisante kaya siya sa trabaho?", "is she pregnant kaya?") Ang bad trip pa dun, lalo na kapag nasa fx ka, eh sasakto pa na ang background music mo ay Totoy Bibo o kaya, "Ang ganda kooo, feel na feel ng long hair koooo..". Peste talaga.
I should've dealt with this drama queen alter-ego of mine way back pa! Yun tipong andun lang ako, sa comfort of my own bedroom. So that I can even choose my own soundtrack. Freak.
Actually, it's not just the thought of graduation per se that makes me sad. It's the fear. The fear that I might not live my life the right way. That I might screwed up more this time. That I might lose my chance of being successful and finally win the Loser of Her Lifetime Award. I don't want my parents to think na nagkamali sila sa pagpapalaki sakin, dahil hindi yun totoo. Haaahaaay. Drama Queen talaga!!!
On a happier note, there's something I did soooo right...
It's our 4th year ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! Hurray!!! (confetti, drumrolls, fireworks)
Asteg ka, pare ko! :) Bat nga ba baliw na baliw ako syo???
Code Blue!
CPR.
Buhayin ang namatay na blog. Too much House and Grey's Anatomy marathons, forgive me.
It just occured to me. I never had the chance to give my academic life a proper goodbye. Come on, I've been a struggling student since I was 3 (seryoso! 3 yrs old pa lang ako, pinilit ko na ang parents kong ipasok ako sa school, kahit saling-ketket lang. At the age of 5, gusto ko na magsulat nang scripted. freak. So technically, 2 decades akong estudyante at yun lang ang alam kong buhay!) Going back, perhaps because, I am never good at goodbyes. When I get too attached to something, the moment I realized that I will have to let go of that soon, dini-detach ko na agad ang sarili ko. So after I left the university, I held back all my sentiments, pushed it at the back of my head. Move on like nothing had drastically changed in my life.
The problem with my way of dealing with goodbyes is that, soon enough, it haunts me. It creeps out of the selective amnesia portion of my head and hit me back. One time, big time. Usually, it happens in the most unexpected places like while you are queueing for eternity in Edsa Central terminal. Or inside a cramped fx on your way home. Hindi lang siya nakakawala ng poise at nakakasira ng eyeshadow, nagmumukha ka pang freak sa mga katabi mo. ("nag-break kaya sila ng boyfriend niya?" "namatayan kaya siya ng aso?", "nasisante kaya siya sa trabaho?", "is she pregnant kaya?") Ang bad trip pa dun, lalo na kapag nasa fx ka, eh sasakto pa na ang background music mo ay Totoy Bibo o kaya, "Ang ganda kooo, feel na feel ng long hair koooo..". Peste talaga.
I should've dealt with this drama queen alter-ego of mine way back pa! Yun tipong andun lang ako, sa comfort of my own bedroom. So that I can even choose my own soundtrack. Freak.
Actually, it's not just the thought of graduation per se that makes me sad. It's the fear. The fear that I might not live my life the right way. That I might screwed up more this time. That I might lose my chance of being successful and finally win the Loser of Her Lifetime Award. I don't want my parents to think na nagkamali sila sa pagpapalaki sakin, dahil hindi yun totoo. Haaahaaay. Drama Queen talaga!!!
On a happier note, there's something I did soooo right...
It's our 4th year ANNIVERSARY!!!!!! Hurray!!! (confetti, drumrolls, fireworks)
Asteg ka, pare ko! :) Bat nga ba baliw na baliw ako syo???
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