Because great things happen when you take a bite...

Congratulate me, friends & lurkers!

Yes, I am very aware that there are only 2 or 3 of you who waste your precious times to read my rantings for the past...wait..2008..2007..2006..4 friggin' years, but what the heck! I am pretty sure you missed me a bit when I didn't post for a week or so. Come on, indulge me! This is MY anniversary!

Cleaning Out My Closet
I was going through my past entries when I realized that I have a few entries left in my "drafts". I didn't published them because (1) For obvious reason that you will find out later, I wasn't able to finish it; (2) I was too harsh when writing typing it then later on felt the words I used were inappropriate for others to read; (3) It's too mushy for any body's (but my own) comfort Hehehe! (4) I had bouts of depression and didn't want other people (yes, all the 2 or 3 of you) to tell my parents (yes, even if you are just concern) or murder the bane of my existence then (but, thank you for the thought :p).

However, since, this is a new year (I've got to have excuses!), let me post some of them here:

June 8, 2007
I am emotionally constipated. Sakit ko na ata 'to. Alam mo ba, ilang beses ko nire-rehearse sa utak ko ang gagawin ko kapag nakita kita. Or sasabihin ko kapag nakasama ka na. Pero kumusta naman yun wala akong nagawa or nasabing matino habang kausap ka. Gusto ko i-express kung gano ko kasaya, kung gano ako ka-grateful sa lahat-lahat. Ang dami ko gusto sabihin pero nung ngumiti ka na eh nagka-mental block ako bigla. Haay. Buti na lang hindi ako ang lalaki sating dalawa. Kasi kung ganun nga eh hindi siguro kita kayang ligawan. Haha!


September 1, 2007 (Pattaya)





-=-=-=-=-
Then I realized, my 2007 was all about my work rants! :p Admittedly though, it was a crazy ride. I learned a lot of things the hard way. Things that I will never ever had the chance to encounter in any parallel universe. It was a roller coaster ride with career, life, love, friendship, self, and faith.

Someone teased me if I wanted to complete the 9-day novena last Christmas because I was asking for a new job this new year. That would be a common misconception for somebody who almost loose her grip from the rope of her faith. Sometimes, when we need something so bad, we tend to go back and find that rope to hang on again. But honestly, it was not the reason. I tried to do the sacrifice as a thanksgiving. I didn't really think I'd be able to end the year alive. But for some odd reason, I did make it. If that is not a miracle, I don't know what is. :)

I think it's worth sharing the best entries to Chico and Delamar's Top Ten Poor people quotes they had last Friday. These are real experiences of real people who are less fortunate in life. Some of them I have heard from other people one time or another, while in some, I, myself, have been in the same situation.

This will not only make you grateful for your own blessings, but this will also make you understand and respect them (the less fortunate than you are) even more.

I got this from Chico Garcia's blog, by the way. (Italicized comments are mine.)

January 11, 2008 - The Top Ten Poor People Quotes

1. Kate Molds - I had a classmate in UP who was a math genius. He’d sleep during our algebra class but when our professor called him to answer a problem set, he’d just look at the numbers on d board and he’d solve it. Then one day, he just stopped going to classes. We later found out he had to go back to the province because apparently, his stipend from the DOST is not enough to pay for his dorm, transportation, and food expenses. And I remembered that once, he asked for our fishball stubs that were given away during the freshmen orientation and told us he’d use the stubs for his breakfast, lunch and dinner.
-->To think UP's tuition fee was relatively low back then. I couldn't imagined how many geniuses pa ngayon ang lalong hindi makakapasok sa UP because of the extreme increased in fees.

2. Shining - There was a janitress in our university back wen I was a student aide. She has 11 kids and I really like her 5th daughter wh0 was 0nly 6 that time. It was her bday, so my friend and I asked if she wanted to go to J0llibee w/ us, we’ll treat her. But the m0m was so nahihiya so she wouldn’t all0w the girl. Her daughter sh0uted, “sige na, para malaman ko naman ang lasa ng fried chicken!”

3. No name - A woman was giving biscuits to scavengers in Cebu. Of the 3 kids, only 2 were eating and the lone boy was not. Asked why he was not eating, one of the girls said “Nahihiya po yang kuya ko. Kasi bukas pa po siya dapat kumain. Kami po ngayon.” Turns out, they take turns eating every other day!
-->This reminds me of the the little kids we've encountered in Bohol. We were having breakfast at Jollibee and there was this little girl and her Kuya hanging outside Jollibee, begging for food from the passersby. When Chard gave them some food, the Kuya fed his little sister first. Eventually, kumakain din siya pero pa-onti-onti lang, he's basically just watching his sister eat most of the food

4. Ishi - One of my suitors asked me out on a date. Sabi ko, “Sige, meet tayo sa Starbucks!” Then he said, “Ang sosyal mo naman. Alam mo yung isang tasa ng kape diyan, one week na naming pang ulam”.

5. V54 - I always tell my wife and kids whenever a new product came into market and people we know already had it, “Kapag nagkapera tayo, bibili din tayo niyan. Luma na yung sa kanila, yung atin bagong-bago pa.”. Madalas naman di nagkakatotoo.
-->Ganito din kami minsan. :)

6. Bottomless_ink - A mom of our 18-yr. old female maid told my mom “Basta mayaman ang mapapangasawa ng anak ko, papayagan ko! Basta mayaman!”
--> One of our kasambahay also told us that her 9-year-old daughter is already dreaming of marrying a foreigner. "Ma, mag-aasawa ako ng Amerikano para makapagpagawa tayo ng malaking bahay gaya nung kapit-bahay natin."

7. Your Highness - Weeks before our elementary graduation, my poor classmate said, “Kailangan nanaman ng bagong damit. . .baka magbenta na naman ng dugo si Tatay para magkaroon kami ng pera.”
--> Selling our own blood has been an eternal joke way back in the office. Apparently, some people really do this to have money.

8. Ritzu - This is what my mom always say whenever we complain about our ulam: “Buti nga kayo palaging nakakakain ng fried chicken. Kami noon, ang isang itlog hinahalo namin sa sinaing tapos paghahatian naming lahat!” My mom has seven siblings.
--> My Dad and his family used to eat dinurog na tuyo na hinalo sa sinaing version of this.

9. Shining - I had a high school classmate who had a t0tal of 7 fr0nt teeth missing: 4 ab0ve, 3 bel0w. I asked him, “Mag-graduate na tayo, di ka pa rin nagpapagawa ng pustiso.” He said, “Ok lang yun. Di naman kami nakakakain ng pagkain na kailangan ng ipin”. He added that they usually eat lugaw everyday. A lot of the times, they even miss s0me meals in a day. He was no longer able to go to c0llege.

10. Green Arrow - When I was very young, I asked my father to help me tune the radio to the station our rich neighbor was listening to because it was playing FM songs. My father told me “Anak, component kasi yung sa kanila. Tayo transistor radio lang”. This was the time i realized that we were poor. But now that I’m all grown up and workng, I bought my parents the best sound system in town!

11. Miguel Rashid - One time after work I decided to treat 4 of my workers in a famous fastfood and ordered meals w/ burgers and fries. I noticed one of my workers only ate the fries and half of his burger. I thought he was full, so I asked, “Bakit di mo inubos burger mo, sayang yan”. He answered, “Ibalot ko na lang sir, pasalubong ko sana sa anak ko kasi matagal na siyang nagpapabili sa akin nito.”
--> Anecdotes like this are especially heartbreaking for me if it involves one person sacrificing a simple luxury for his or her loved ones.

12. Pink Shrink - I have a patient who once told me when I asked where she lives: “Sa Plaza Ferguson, tapat ng Ermita church. Sa Luneta kami nagbabanyo, P5 bayad.”

13. MT - My friend was passing through an overpass and there was this street kid asking for money but my friend couldn’t give anything coz she didn’t have change. So she just ignored him. Then the kid told her, “Babaligtad din ang mundo!”

14. McSupremy - We live in a depressed area but we’re n0t as po0r as our neighb0rs. So every Christmas, we give toys and food to kids in the area. One time, I was walking d0wn the street, when I heard kids talking while passing by our h0use. One told the others, “Diyan ang bahay ni Santa Claus!”

15. Angel - In our house, we’re used to having merienda such as pasta, cakes, and ice cream. One time, my mom gave our neighbor some pasta and our neighbor blurted out, “Sinong may birthday?” Apparently they can only afford pasta or cakes during birthdays.

16. Cheyenne - There was this poor and sick old man in the hospital I’ve met years ago. I asked why up until now, he wasn’t getting any better. He told me, “Kasi iha, kulang palagi ang pambili ko ng mga gamot. Kaya hinahati ko na lang ang mga tableta at syrup na iniinom ko.”

17. Porky - A family once had a visitor and they didn’t know what food to serve for dinner. The mother decided that, “Bahala na, basta yung tilapia na ulam natin sana ngayong tanghalian, yun nalang ang ipapakain natin. Wag ka magalala anak, di naman niya mauubos yun eh. Hintayin mo yung kabila ng isda, yun ang atin”. That night, the daughter waited, and when the time came, she suddenly shouted, “Nay, binaligtad na yung isda!”

18. No name - We had a Lenten retreat last year where we had participants from different classes of society. One rich lady commented negatively on how the poor kids acted when they took 2 to 3 fruits each, when they were only supposed to get 1 each. One kid cried when she heard what the lady said and told me “Nahihiya ako kasi mahirap na nga kami, mahirap pa kami kung umasta, kaya mahirap din ang turing sa amin ng iba”.
--> :,-(

19. Paris Girl - We held an outreach in a house for abandoned children and I was assigned to do the games. I bought some hankies for the games. After the games, a lot of kids came to me asking, “Ate, puwede sa akin na lang yung panyo?” I guess for them a hankie is something of a luxury.

20. Alex - My dad underwent monthly chemotherapy way back in 1987. One time he decided to stop going to chemo and said, “Lalo lang akong hindi gagaling kung makikita ko kayong wala nang makain!” Thank GOD he’s still alive! And on January 26 of this year, its their golden wedding anniversary!

21. Loi Pogi - Another UP anecdote: I had this dorm mate who would drink three glasses of water before eating. His reason: “Para half rice at half ulam na lang kakainin ko. Mas tipid.”
--> May dormmate din akong ganito...

22. Toputs - We were so poor when I was growing up, that one Christmas morning, I reached inside my Santa socks (which was my father’s old sports socks) and got a promissory note that went, “Sorry walang gift this year kasi walang budget. Next year na lang - Santa Claus.” Until now I haven’t gotten over that sad Christmas, so I promised myself that I will never let that happen to my own son.

23. Leigh - I had spinal surgery last year in an orthopedic hospital. And because I have insurance, I was placed in medicare ward. And everyday a woman in a wheelchair would always visit us just to greet and chat with us if we’re all doing okay. When I asked her, “Manang, ilang araw na po ba kayo naka-confine dito at ano po ang sakit ninyo? She answered, “Meron akong bone cancer anak, at mag-iisang taon na ako dito. Hindi ako makalabas kasi wala kaming pambayad. Mabuti pa nga dito libre ang pagkain.”

---------
Another entry, though not mentioned above, was just so familiar to me that I found myself agreeing while laughing after Chico read it on air. Sabihin na nating naging "been there, done that" moment ko rin yun:
When well-off friends invited me to dine out, I'd say, "Sige, kayo na lang. Busog pa 'ko eh." :)

Last year, January 8, 2007, I posted an entry about Sir Nic, which you could still find here: http://commonlysenseless.blogspot.com/2007/01/prof-monico-atienza.html . That was when I found out that he's on a coma. It was a big shocking news for me since Sir Nic was the only UP professor who believed that I could make it in life -- and he didn't mind being a little vocal and over the top makulit of reminding me about it. Despite of my rebellious and stubborn attitude (kasagsagan ng Dark Ages ko yun eh), he's been even more persistent to pull me right back on track.

Since I've read the news about his condition, naging ugali ko nang i-google siya every month. Just to find out how he was.

Now, exactly one month and one day after I've read the sad news, I came across a more disheartening news that he already passed away last December. Kahit one month na ang nakakaraan mula nung pumanaw siya, di ko pa rin mapigilang umiyak lalo na when I've read below article that tells about how he suffered while fighting the Marcos dictatorship. While reading the article, nagfa-flashback ulet sakin yun mga moments na nakaupo ako sa klase niya. At nung mga oras na binibisita ko siya sa faculty room at nishe-share-ran niya ko ng mga "makabayang" litanya nya. Yun mga times na nagkakasalubong kami sa AS at inaalam niya kung ga-grad na ba ko at kung nagbagong buhay na nga ba ko. Kung ilang beses din niyang pinapaalala sakin na wag akong magshift out of eng'g. Nung magka-email kami at tinatawag niya kong "email pal" at minsan, "email sweetheart". At nung walang-halong pang-asar at matter-of-factly lang niyang inaannounced sa klase na nakikita niya sa akin si Sisa (teka, hindi ako nagpapatawa). Ngayon ko lang totohanang naintindihan kung saan nanggagaling ang passion niya.

Alam ko na ngayon na hindi na siya nagsu-suffer. At ngayon rin ako sobrang naging proud na nakilala ang gaya niya minsan sa buhay ko.

Para syo, Sir Nic, salamat nang tunay na tunay.

_____________
Activists of 2 generations mourn death of ‘Sir Nic’
By Volt Contreras
Inquirer
Posted date: December 07, 2007

MANILA, Philippines -- Activists from two generations -- those who survived fighting the Marcos dictatorship and those too young to have gone through that long, dark night -- are in mourning for Monico Atienza, beloved comrade, inspiring professor and, perhaps, a study of what one stands to gain or lose for a revolutionary cause.

After lapsing into a coma a year ago, Atienza succumbed to throat cancer on Wednesday afternoon at his home on the University of the Philippines campus in Diliman, Quezon City, where he taught Rizal and Pilipino subjects.

“Nic,” who in the 1960s became secretary general of the militant Kabataang Makabayan and in 2003 worked to reorganize the old street cadres from the historic First Quarter Storm (FQS) marches of 1970, was 60 years old.

Disease finally felled the man who, some three decades ago, barely survived the torture chambers of the martial law regime and later an assassination attempt allegedly carried out by the post-Marcos military.

In separate interviews Thursday with the Inquirer, two of Atienza’s close friends -- Boni Ilagan, chair of the FQS Movement of which Nic was founding president, and UP professor Luis Teodoro -- remembered the man for his convictions, which were neither eroded by time nor bowed for expediency.

With a tone of reverence, Ilagan and Teodoro both described Atienza as one of the most “heavily tortured” detainees during martial law.
A UP student who went underground two years before martial law was declared in 1972, Atienza was arrested in 1974. He was about 27.

Never bowed to torturers
Atienza’s genitals were “burned,” the two men said, although their memories conflicted. Ilagan said the torturers used rolled-up newspapers or comic books for a torch; Teodoro said a lighter was used.

This was on top of the other brutalities -- electric shock, sleep deprivation, being left naked in a room with the air-conditioner going full-blast and repeated beatings.

Atienza was also injected with “truth serum” to induce a confession, Ilagan said.

He will be praised for many things, but his “biggest triumph was that he never bowed to his torturers,” Ilagan said. “He did not crack and send more into the hands of the enemy.”

Nervous breakdown
Atienza eventually suffered a nervous breakdown during his detention and was brought to the V. Luna military hospital. He was still a patient there when he was released in 1980, or six years after his arrest, Ilagan said.

Both Ilagan and Teodoro said Atienza might have emerged psychologically scarred from the ordeal.
He seemed more short-tempered, for one thing, Teodoro noted.
Except for a TV interview he granted in 2003, Atienza never spoke publicly about what the then Philippine Constabulary, including a lieutenant named Rodolfo Aguinaldo (later to become governor of Cagayan), did to him in Camp Crame, Ilagan noted.

When both of them were still in prison, Ilagan said, “I saw him being dragged by two escorts [after a torture session] back to his cell. All he had was this blank stare.”

More severely than others
“He was tortured more severely than the others probably because he was suspected of being a ranking officer of the communist party and, therefore, knew a lot about the leadership structure,” Ilagan, a playwright who himself endured two years in jail, surmised.
Ilagan recalled that he, Atienza and others were held in what was supposed to be Camp Crame’s armory -- “thick walls, steel doors, one-foot-by- one-foot windows, a place not built for human habitation.”

There were no toilets in the cells. The inmates were provided biscuit cans and old newspapers for their use.

The inmates could hear torture sessions going on in adjacent rooms, and Ilagan was convinced that the PC deliberately let others hear what was going on.

Still fiery
After his release, Atienza was able to re-enroll at UP, and shifted courses from political science to Philippine studies, Ilagan said.

He eventually secured a teaching position at the university and resumed his “fight” as a fiery, sought-after speaker in student forums and as a supporter of progressive groups.

Once, shortly after EDSA I people power uprising in 1986, Teodoro and Atienza were on their way to a colleague’s birthday party.

But the latter decided to turn back upon seeing certain guests at the venue: It was one of those weird occasions when officers of the rightwing Reform the Armed Forces Movement got to mingle with the leftist set.

“I see one of my torturers among them. I think we’re no longer needed here,” Teodoro recalled his hesitant friend saying.

No demand for compensation
And more of Atienza’s true grit showed when the time of reckoning with his jailers finally came: He distanced himself from moves by fellow detainees to demand compensation from the Marcos regime.

Said Ilagan: “He had a different view. I remember him saying, ‘What I went through cannot be compensated in terms of pesos.’

“But he did not stop anyone [from demanding compensation] , and did not campaign against it.”
Added Teodoro: “‘I never thought of receiving any reward for fighting the dictatorship.’ That’s how he also put it.”

Ambush
Atienza, a native of Cuenca, Batangas, would have his next brush with death shortly after EDSA I. (Teodoro said Atienza was disappointed with the results of both EDSA I and II, in which he took part.)

In 1987, Atienza, Bernabe Buscayno, former communist guerrilla commander and then senatorial candidate, and three companions were ambushed in their car by a suspected military death squad.
A piece of shrapnel became embedded in Atienza’s head, and a leg wound sustained from that attack never healed up to the time he had a heart attack in December 2006.

Until then, a mass in his throat that blocked his air passage had remained undetected. He was diagnosed with cancer.

Fund-raisers were held to pay for his continued stay at the Philippine General Hospital, and among those who pitched in were a left-leaning party-list group and a few lawmakers, Ilagan said.

After seven months, friends from the FQS Movement decided to bring him home.

Atienza, who lived apart from his wife and their two sons after he was released from detention, died with two caregivers hired by his comrades at his bedside, Ilagan said.

In less than 24 hours, the first eulogies came in the blogs of his UP students -- those who were not even born yet when their “Sir Nic” was being brutalized for his cause.

In one of my favorite eps of Ally McBeal, Nelle admitted how she admires Elaine for her passion in singing/dancing. She said she envies her because she doesn't have that -- passion.

I once had this kind of conversation with a soulfriend. We were wondering why other people seem to be less depressed about life in general than we tend to be. Then we arrived at the theory that perhaps the reason for our eternal drama is our lack of passion. Passion for anything: art, IT, science, music, sports, cooking, writing, designing, acting, reading, teaching, working, etc. We do or enjoy some of those things but not to the extent of having real passions for it. Yun tipong ipagpapalit mo ang lahat para dun at you exert real efforts in getting good at it or at least appreciating it. Wala akong ganun eh. May mga friends kaming madedefine mo ang buhay through their passions. In fact, naisa-isa namin ang barkada namin para mapinpoint yun passions nila. Pero until now, hindi pa rin kami maka-come up nang para sa isa't-isa.

Acting
Come on, sinong HS schoolmate ko ba ang hindi makakaalala sa pinagagagawa ko onstage. Hindi ko na iisa-isahin pa. Pero it just occured to me na hindi naman yun ang first time ko. Kasi batang musmos pa lang ako eh nagpe-play na ko bilang si "Mary" sa mga Nativity scene sa school namin dati.

Alam kong marami akong drama sa buhay. Pero hinde, at never, ko rin yun naging passion na enough to do those things again at mag-audition sa next batch of Starstruck.

Art
Maniwala ka man o sa hindi, I used to draw. When I was a kid, sinali ako ng school ko sa isang regional drawing competition. I won first place sa buong Rizal. I think I was 4 or 5 years old. Growing up, nagda-drawing ako ng mga kung anu-anong pwede kong ma-copy sa mga children's books. Sadly, I did not have enough passion to sustain the hobby. Last drawing ko ata eh nung panahon nila Eugene at ng Ghost Fighter. May drawing ako ni Eugene na pinagkakatagu-tago ko pero nakita pa rin nung classmate ko at until gumradweyt kami eh pinapaamin nya sakin kung ako ang gumawa nun. I lied and said I didn't do it. He didn't believe me.

Baking/Cooking
Nung gradeschool ako, kapag may ginawa kaming project sa school (pastillas, yema, salted egg, etc.), ginagawa ko rin yun sa bahay. Hindi pa ko pwede humawak ng syanse at lumapit sa mantika nun kaya pinapabayaan lang ako ng nanay ko kapag mga hindi kelangang lutuin ang gagawin. Nung HS, nagkeep pa ko ng mga recipes ng nanay ko after niya ituro sakin kung pano lutuin ang isang ulam. Ako rin taga-gawa ng desserts kapag may mga handaan sa bahay. Pero since nag-college (ironically, HRIM ang course ko), di na ko ulet na-pirmi sa kusina namin. Sa kitchen ng school, ok lang. Siguro kasi naiimbibe ko rin yun passion ng lahat ng classmates at prof ko. Pero sa bahay, nagluluto lang ako kapag wala na talagang choice.

Alam kong hindi ko naman habambuhay pwedeng takasan ang ma-toka sa kusina. Nagpoprocrastinate lang muna ko habang pwede pa.

Dancing
My barkada get a kick out of teasing me for not knowing how to dance.

When I was a kid, para sa mga classmates ko ang galing-galing ko sumayaw. Hindi ko alam where in the world they got that idea. In one of our school activities, kinuha pa ko ng teacher ko para sumali sa dance group na magperperform on stage. Nung nagpapractice kami, feeling niya ang galing-galing ko talaga kaya nilagay niya ko sa harapan, partner ko yung isang bading na sobrang galing sumayaw. As in parang leader-leader-an pa kami. Pinanood yun sa buong Cainta Catholic. Haha. Syet.

Hindi pa dun natapos ang aking dancing career. Kapag may mga get-together ang family namin, nagpe-prepare kaming mga magpipinsan ng mga dance/song program. Parang noontime show lang. Most of my summer days were spent sa bahay nila Mayee, nagbubuo kami ng mga dance number. Tas during get-together, pini-perform namin sa harap ng lahat ng relatives namin at kung sino pang makikiusi (usually sa mga public beaches kami nun eh). So yeah, I used to know the steps of Oh Carol, Dooadee (Ang TV theme song), Sweet Soul Revue at marami pang UMD songs. Bago pa maging hit ang Embassy, tinatakas (underage ito) na ko ng mga pinsan ko sa mga "disco" houses like Spirit.

And just like my interest to the first three things mentioned above, my interest in dancing went Puff! It became coco crunch! Hindi mo na ko mapapasayaw ngayon -- unless siguro lasheng.

Language
I was enrolled in French classes for three summers in a row. Now, I even have my tutorial CDs. I'm not giving up on this though. But still, my interest about the language is not enough to burn my desire in speaking the foreign tongue.

Martial Arts
My parents enrolled me in a Karate class when I was a kiddo. Nagbugbugan lang kami ng mga kapatid ko. Before I can even master the art of shouting "hiiiiyaaaaaa!", tumatakbo na ko palabas ng pinto habul-habol yun teammate ko.

Musical Instrument
Nag-aral ako ng organ once. Nagkaron ako ng 3 teachers sa piano. 4 or 5 summers ko atang inaral tumugtog ng keyboard. Hinahanda na nga ako para sa isang recital ng isang teacher ko. Pero anong ginagawa ng keyboard namin ngayon? Ayun, hindi mo na makikilala sa ilalim ng alikabok.

Part din ako ng Rondallia group nung gradeschool. I played the Octavina. Most of my fond memories eh during our practice/rehearsals after classes at mga performances sa harap ng buong school, sa ilalim ng araw. Just like my keyboard, my Octavina is now lying oh so lonely under my bed.

I bought this wooden flute once, kasama ang mga piyesa. Matapos ko pagaaralan ang mga usong kanta, ayoko na. Nasa cabinet naman siya ngayon.

My uncle, my cousin, my brother, my Rondallia teammate, my servicemate --- di ko na mabilang kung ilang tao na ang nagturo sakin tumipak ng gitara. At oo, lahat sila nabigong maipasa sakin ang kanilang "passion".

Singing
Before I can even read, nagmememorize na ko ng mga lyrics ng mga kanta. At hindi lang basta nursery rhymes ah, yun mga tipong pambirit talaga. Yun mga gumagamit ng words na hindi ko man lang pa naiintindihan. Isa sa mga prized possession ko nun eh ang aming karaoke and mic. Dapat may mic, di pwedeng wala. Tapos gigisingin ko ang lahat ng kapitbahay naming nagsi-siesta hanggang ma-perfect ko ang song na One Moment in Time nang hindi nabubulol. Complete with the Coda part at "whooo, yeahhhhhhhh" part. Tapos ang theme song namin ng Daddy ko eh yun Somewhere Out There. Favorite namin yun kinakanta kapag magkasama kami sa loob ng kotse, or kahit kung asa bahay lang kami at nagpapaantok. Duet ito. May second voicing and all. Birit mode talaga. Haha.

At gaya ng aking dance performance during reunion, meron din akong portion na kakanta. Minsan duet kami ng pinsan ko, minsan solo ko. Star na star!

Ngayon, kahit ilang ulit ko na naririnig ang mga kanta sa radyo at mp3, putsa, di ko pa rin man lang mapagtugma ang title sa music. Ganun ako kawalang passion.

Swimming
Ilang summers din ako nag-enrol ng swimming lessons. Una para matuto, tapos para dumami ang alam, then para lang may magawa. Kumpleto ko sa mga proper gears. Nagkaron pa ko ng mga rigorous tranings under my beloved coach kasi nagcompete ako sa Milo.

Pero gaya ng ibang hobbies ko, pinagsawaan ko rin siya.

Travel
My previous job could sustain my thirst for travel. Pero come on, pinagpalit ko pa rin siya at nag-resigned pa rin ako. If I'm really passionate about traveling, I could have easily managed all the tortures I ran from for that.

Writing
I've been keeping a journal since I was 12-turning-13. I used to write short stories when I was in Highschool -- one of which I passed for class at pinagbintangan ako ng English teacher ko na hindi ko yun gawa (pinakita ko pa sa kanya yun drafts ko para maniwala siya). I submitted articles sa dati naming school papers para ma-published. Nung college naman, I submitted articles published online. I've been blogging since 2004.

Pero basically, madaldal lang ako. Hindi rin enough ang interest ko in writing to even pass the standard for "passion".


Ako na ata ang perfect example ng "Jack of All Trades, Master of None". Minsan kasi hindi mo naman kelangan ang marami kasi mas hindi mo natutunan kung pano mag-appreciate. Hindi sapat na alam mo lahat. Or nasubukan mo karamihan. Ang importante lang eh meron kang isa. Isang bagay na magde-define sayo. Na makakapagbigay sayo ng sense of fulfilment. Na magbibigay syo ng rason para gumising sa araw-araw or makakapag-pump ng adrenaline rush sa veins mo. Wala ako nun eh. San ba kasi nabibili ang "passion"? Kelangan ko na kasi. :)

This very same time last year, nagngangangawa na 'ko sa opisina. Literally flooding with tears. At dahil yun syo, walangya 'ka. =P May blog entry pa nga ako exactly one year ago eh. Can't believe it's been a year now, noh? Bilis ng panahon. It's just fascinating to realize na sa lahat-lahat nang nangyari nun, ang pinaka natatandaan ko vividly eh hindi yun itsura mo nung first time kita makita sa sarili mong coffin. Hindi rin yun moment na nasa Church kami ni Cheng at hindi man lang nakalapit sayo nung last blessing mo dahil hindi kami makatayo sa panghihina. But it's that v. moment, at around 1:30 in the morning, when my Mom entered my room, bluntly said, "Ate, patay na si Mayie". Nung natulala ako for what seemed like eternity, nilapitan nya ko then hinawakan ako sa ulo -- she didn't know what to do to comfort me. Days, weeks, months, and now a year after, yun pa rin yun concept ko ng pagkawala mo. Tanda ko pa nun nakipag-deal pa ko kay Lord na bubuuin ko yun Simbang Gabi para pagalingin ka. At alam Niya na NEVER pa ko nakabuo ng Simbang Gabi ever. Pero di na niya in-accept yun bargain ko. Di ka na niya pinaabot ng Simbang Gabi. Funny din yun si Lord eh.

O siya, have a blast up there! Don't worry much about your little darling, she's growing up to be more and more adorable each day. Ang daldal na niya kahit di ko siya naiintindihan. I'll hug her for you. ;) I love you.

Love,
Mimin

Ps. Ka-birthday mo yun newborn baby ni Andre! =D

"Go on," he urged gently.

"All I can see is the sad stuff. And it's everywhere. We're the walking wounded, the entire human race."

"Weltschmerz," he said.

"Bless you," she said absently.

"No," he laughed softly. "Weltschmerz. It's a German for "world sadness."

"There's a word for this?"

She knew she wasn't the first person to feel like this. She knew her mother had too. But if a word had actually been invented to describe the feeling, lots of others must have felt it. It was a comfort.

-- Sushi For Beginners by Marian Keyes

I love this artik. At the end of every sentence, I want to bleed. Sweeet. ^_^"

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn't know and may or may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and are scared.

You miss the comforts of college [more like, Highschool], of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.
One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while wining the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

My Dad has a friend PT from the US who's asking for his help to help one of her patients. He has ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis). My Dad's friend said: "Poor guy, and his mother always cries to me whenever they're in the clinic for rehab. He's going downhill so fast, but his spirits are high and he's so hopeful. I really wanna help him. Help me help him. Maybe you can get in touch with Father Monic see if he has any pull to get to Fr. Corsey."

So my Dad is now looking for the healing priest, Fr. Corsey. The guy will be here in Manila after his stem cell operation ni China. Just like my scolio, only 1 million times worse..

I got below quote from his blog:
"I will no longer worry about yesterday. It is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so. I will no longer worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will always be there,waiting for me to make the most of it. But I cannot make the most of tomorrow without first making the most of today. I will look in the mirror and I will see a person worthy of my respect and admiration. This capable person looking back at me is someone I enjoy spending time with and someone I would like to get to know better. I will cherish each moment of my life. I value this gift bestowed upon me in this world and I will unselfishly share this gift with others.I will use this gift to enhance the lives of others. I will take a moment to step off the beaten path and to revel in the mysteries I encounter. I will face challenges with courage and determination. I will overcome what barriers there may be which hinder my quest for growth and self-improvement. I will take life one day at a time, one step at a time. Discouragement will not be allowed to taint my positive self-image,my desire to succeed or my capacity to love. I walk with renewed faith in human kindness. Regardless of what has gone before, I believe there is hope for a brighter and better future. I will open my mind and my heart. I will welcome new experiences. I will meet new people. I will not expect perfection from myself nor anyone else: perfection does not exist in an imperfect world. But I will applaud the attempt to overcome human foibles. I am responsible for my own happiness and I will do things that make me happy. . .admire the beautiful wonders of nature, listen to my favorite music, pleasure can be found in the most simple of gestures. I will learn something new; I will try something different; I will savor all the various flavors life has to offer. I will change what I can and the rest I will let go. I will strive to become the best me I can possibly be. ..... and every day.
by Penny White, copyright 1990"

Kung may chance ako maging invisible, ngayon ko siguro gagamitin ang super powers na yun. ^_^

I hate ep-eks rides alone. Limbo moments. More like my purgatory.

My parents insisted na sa room nila ko muna matutulog. Natatakot ata silang magdecide akong huwag na lang huminga kapag ina-asthma attack. Harhar. Tas they're blaming each other kung bat madaling-araw na hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Hindi ko ma-explain na insomnia attack lang yun, nothing major. ^_^ Hassle nga eh, sa sasandaling tulog ko eh nagka-nightmares pa ko. Darn, takot pa naman ako sa mumu. :-S

Praning mode up and running.

I know I said I was on blog leave. But I cannot seem to handle the withdrawal syndrome well. Mababa ang EQ, sorry.

I am literally hyperventilating right now. Must be due to weird, fluctuating asthma attacks since last week, or anxiety attacks since I turned 25, or a crossed of both. I am gradually realizing that maybe, just maybe, I really cannot get by without a release -- even through blogging.

Please pave the way for your resident drama queen. Buti na lang blog ko 'to, walang makakapagpalayas sakin.

Random blabbing.

I am not such a fan of regrets. But lately, I have found myself feeling just that. Regret on the things I did, I should have done, I could have wanted to do. Regrets of realizing that I pretty much lost myself in the process of searching. Walang katapusang personal drama, hindi na siya masaya. I get freaked out a lot lately. Ngayon lang ata ako naging pinaka-nerbyosa sa tanang buhay ko, at hindi ko alam kung bakit. I always feel like merong masamang nangyayari, or mangyayari, it's weird. I jump everytime magbee-beep ang phone ko, and magriring ang landline namin. Getting insomnia attacks are not helping either. Take note, hindi na ko umiinom ng kape nitong lagay na 'to ha? Kelangan ko na ba ng shrink?

I am trying to backtrack. Tracing my way back to where I started loosing myself. Pero hindi ko maalala. I guess hindi rin nakakatulong ang selective amnesia.

Ako lang ba nakakaranas nito or may Club Praning na I can join somewhere?

Pasintabi sa ninenokan ko ng excerpt na 'to.

Change.
But start slowly, because direction is more important than speed.

Sit in another chair, on the other side of the table Later on, change tables.
When you go out, try to walk on the other side of the street.
Then change your route, walk calmly down other streets, observing closely the places you pass by.
Take other buses.
Change your wardrobe for a while; give away your old shoes and try to walk barefoot for a few days – even if only at home.

Take off a whole afternoon to stroll about freely, listening to the birds or the noise of the cars.
Open and shut drawers and doors with your left hand.
Sleep on the other side of the bed. Then try sleeping in other beds.
Watch other TV programs, read other books, live other romances – even if only in your imagination.
Sleep until later. Go to bed earlier.
Learn a new word a day.
Eat a little less, eat a little more, eat differently; choose new seasonings, new colors, things you have never dared to experiment on.

Lunch in other places, go to other restaurants, order another kind of drink and buy bread at another bakery.
Lunch earlier, have dinner later, or vice versa.
Try something new every day: a new side, a new method, a new flavor, a new way, a new pleasure, a new position.
Pick another market, another make of soap, another toothpaste.
Take a bath at different times of the day.
Use pens with different colors.
Go and visit other places.
Love more and more and in different ways.
Even when you think that the other will be frightened, suggest what you have always dreamed about doing when you make love.

Change your bag, your wallet, your suitcases, buy new glasses, write other poems.
Open an account in another bank, go to other cinemas, other hairdressers, other theaters, visit new museums.

Change.
And think seriously of finding another job, another activity, work that is more like what you expect from life, more dignified, more human.

If you cannot find reasons to be free, invent them: be creative. And grab the chance to take a long, enjoyable trip – preferably without any destination.

Try new things. Change again. Make another change. Experiment something else.
You will certainly know better things and worse things that those you already know, but that does not matter.
What matter is change, movement, dynamism, energy.

Only what is dead does not change – and you are alive.

- Paulo Coelho "Warrior of the Light"

My Dad picked me up from work last night, just like what he has been doing for the past 1 and 1/2 years. On our way home, kinukwento ko sa kanya yun conversation namin ng messenger namin nung umaga. Pareho kasi kami na nirereklamo na namin ngayon sa mga sarili namin yun mga bagay na hindi naman namin niko-complain before: malayong byahe, mababang salary, hindi maramdamang benefits, etc.

Incidentally, my Dad's experiencing the same thing. And like me, he had been looking for another job for the longest time now. At pareho kaming hinatak lang ang sarili mula sa pagkakahiga sa kama kahapon ng umaga. Then we exchanged funny anecdotes about looking for a job. Ang mga mahikang nagaganap sa website ng jobstreet. Ang mga tips and tricks para makakuha ng matitinong job selections, also, from jobstreet. Ang mga rejected CVs. Ang mga prospectives employers, ang mga pangarap na kumpanya (ADB, IOM - Lala, may opening ba dyan?, World Bank, UN, etc.), at mga hard-to-reached requirement ng mga pangarap naming trabaho. It was pretty much a light talk actually, considering it's our future we're discussing about. Most of the time, we're laughing our asses off for the bloopers we had while searching for the next best job there is.

It's amusing having that kind of conversation with my father. Although at the end of the day, I felt sorry that he still has to undergo the same fate I am having right now. Parang sana ako na lang ang naghahanap ng trabaho ngayon habang he's living the life he has always wanted: i.e., gumising nang maaga para magbasa ng dyaryo habang umiinom ng gatas (di yun nagkakape eh), mag-gardening, makipag-kwentuhan sa kapit-bahay, mangisda sa lawa, magjogging, manood ng TV -- the life.

Wait ka lang, Dad, mararanasan mo rin yan. Mawawalan ka rin ng pressure ng paghahanap ng work. Hahanap lang ako ng trabahong bubuhay satin lahat, luho and all. ;)

So, uhmm.. san ba may ganung trabaho? ^_^"

Sa bawat event namin, meron kami laging student volunteers. Last year for our Manila event, we had volunteers from UP Diliman and from New Era University. Some of them are still in my friendsters. :) (While one I almost murder with my bare hands.)

In Pattaya, half of our volunteers ay galing sa isang elite na exclusive school.
Officemate: So what's the population in your school?
Student Volunteer (in a "The OC" kinda slang tone): Lika around a hundred-eighty or somethin'.
Officemate: That small? How come?
SV: 'coz it's expensive.

Oh-key. Most of them spent more time doing their make-ups than in helping out sa mga dapat gawin. There was this girl na pinaka-bratty. Nagtutulog siya nang harapan while nagle-lecture yun officemate ko during their training. Siya rin yun walang pagdadalawang-isip na dumiretso sa boss ko para alamin kung anong oras ang uwian "because I need to tell the driver what time he should pick me up." At syempre, kanino pa siya mapupunta kundi sakin, di ba? Her name is Nang.

Hate is such a strong word but I really, really didn't like her. Kapag nagdidiscuss ako sa kanya ng task niya, she had this very bored look on her face na as if I was the reason why she couldn't curl her eyelashes right.

On the evening before the first day, I asked her (with another student volunteer) to set up the plenary hall. Feeling ko gusto na niya ko isumpa nun dahil almost 11pm na nun pero wala siyang magawa.

I almost give up on her. I already accepted the fact na kelangan ko siyang tutukan kung ayaw kong mamatay ako sa bawat screwed up task na gagawin niya for me. So as soon as she walked inside the Plenary Hall the next day, I handed her a hard copy of the protocol at inutos (yes, hindi na ako naki-usap) ko sa kanya lahat ng dapat niyang gawin sa anong oras sa paanong paraan at kung how long I expected her to accomplish it. Kung sa iba at dating volunteers namin, sobrang nilalambing at sinusuyo ko pa para gawin nila yun task nila, for her, hinde. Straight to the point. Apparently, that's how it would take her to respect me. She looked at me straight in the eye. She asked questions to clarify if she got my instructions correctly. And she assured me that she will not screw up. "I'll do it, Armine. Please don't worry. I'll do it." Then off she went to her expected position.

By the end of the day, she asked me if I got enough rest. She sneaked out some food from the snack counter for me. And nagvo-volunteer siya mag-help kapag nakikita niyang busy ako. Since then, oks na kami. And I then called her my prodigal daughter. hehe!

My Vietnam Volunteers, Dung and Vi, are different. Pareho na silang teachers sa University nila. Half of my burden sinalo talaga nila. Sobrang bait, sobrang sipag, at masaya kakulitan. Minsan nga nata-Tagalog ko sila at navi-Vietnamese nila ko nang di sinasadya. Ganun na kami naging at ease sa isa't-isa. Dami ko na nakwento sa kanila at nakwento nila sakin about sa mga buhay-buhay namin. Yun tipong animated na kwentuhan na parang long lost friends kami. Siguro kaya naging less strssful din for me yun event na yun dahil sa kanilang dalawa. At sa ampon naming volunteer na bibong bata na si Tran. Everybody just loves her. She studied in Singapore for her highschool bilang scholar. Tapos after ng college, magaaral daw sya ng med sa Australia ata. Sya ang batang kahit bibo eh di nakakaasar kasi alam niya kung pano lumugar. Sayang lang hindi kasi uso ang friendster sa kanila. hehe!

Ngayon, bat ko nga ba naisipan ikuwento sila? Wala lang. Naisip ko lang sila last night. Yun mga funny, amusing anecdotes they shared with me. They are the people na sure akong di ko na makikita ulet for the rest of my life, but have definitely gave me some colorful stories to tell and remember.


L-R: Armine, Tran, Vi, Dung and Ktin (officemate)

You might have noticed by now that after more than year of ranting about my job, things are definitely not going for the bettter. I am not proud to admit that, but it is affecting my mood that there is no denying anymore. My soulmate even told me that I seemed to act different the first time she saw me after Pattaya. I panicked.

For the past few weeks, I have developed such a huge amount of hatred in my heart that anyone can see it through my eyes. You and I both know that hatred is a very strong word that I could have been very well mistaken. I wish I am.

I actually see Pattaya as my Azkaban. Two weeks under the Dementor's madness just sucked out all the happy memories I have brought with me. And of course, it did not help that my life turned quarter-of-a-century there. Away from the grasps of my family, my half soul, my tk and the love of my life. That is not how I imagined my life's milestone would be like. Now that I looked back, that could be something I wanted to regret but, really, there is no point in doing so now.

Travel tops my list of goals. But to be honest, hindi na compensate ng Pattaya ang hellish experience ko doon. This is the point when I wanted to regret a lot of the decisions I made, and was forced to make. But as I've said before, that would be pointless. I wanted to convince myself that the experience will help me be a better person sooner. As my favorite Awards judge said, "there are no such things as mistakes. You made no mistake. You are just practicing." For that, I want to believe that I am just practicing to live life. Sooner, I'll succeed in living it right. Sana.

Yesterday, I spent some time with one of the most important persons of my life. There is nothing so spectacular about the day except that for the first time after so many weeks, I felt alive again. There was nothing so special, except that I was suddenly reminded of all the good things I have in my life - including him. It was not a perfect evening, except that it was crazier, funnier, and lovelier than any of the past evenings that I could remember. That's when I realized that things are not so bad after all. That no matter how many detours I mistakenly take, no matter how many times I lost my directions, I have people in my life who would be more than willing to get lost and find the right way for me. And at the end of the crazy roadtrip back home, will never forget to remind me that they love me.

So here's to my 25th birthday. And to the special people in my life who remind me of the things that really matter.

----------------
Alam kong mahal ako ni Jac kaya hindi nya ko sasakalin kahit di ako nakapunta sa birthday celebration niya. Alam ko rin na alam nyang isa sya sa "special people in my life" na tinutukoy ko sa taas. [Oo na, Rhy at Yaks, pati na rin kayo (0_o)]. Dahil dyan ay labs pa rin ako ni Jac kahit di ako nakasipot sa bahay nila nung Friday. ^_^" I hope you had a blast! LabshuJacster!!!! *hugz* =D

I maybe having some kind of Monday blues....or pre-birthday blues...I'm not sure. But I certainly want to buy the PostSecret book! Ha-haaay. Fairy godmother, hear me beg...

Bat hindi ko siya ma-embed sa blog ko! waaah! Anyway, see this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6rTkp1dek4

She drank the poison straight from the flask. I tried to stop her but her instinct got her faster than me. With a little hesitation and trembling lips, she emptied the flask before I could even stop her. The poison ran through her veins and numb her senses. But she could not hide it too well. The pain was reflected through the window of her soul. Her smile could not manage to reach her eyes anymore. It was betraying her. It cannot possibly be how she thought it was, right? It has been such a long time since the last time she drank the poison -- also due to her ignorance. Back then, I can remember how she became really paralyzed. Would it be the same thing this time around? She may not be able to take it. One affirmation and it will totally crash her.

Incidentally, the person that gave her the flask was present. He didn't saw her drink through the flask but he could see through the window that something was slowly killing her. I thought he would watch her die in front of him. I was ready to hate him. But just like the first time he did this to her, he managed to carefully and affectionately carried her out through the back door. He saved her. He is afterall, as it has always been, her antidote.

I just hope he would never give her that fatal flask again. And I beg he'll hear my plea.

Funny how looking for a job gives one a mixed of extreme emotions. At one end, you’ll feel excited in finding out that lo and behold, there are gazillions of fantastic jobs out there that you cannot wait to try out. Cabin Crew, Chef-Gardemanger, Attendant – Valet, Production Director, English Tutor, Lifeguard. Tour Guide. Pilot. Amazing. At hindi magkamayaw ang mga job search engines sa dami -- umaapaw ang Google. Even the packages the employers-slash-recruitment agencies are promising will bulge your eyes out. It’s a feel-good dreamworld out there.

At the other end, however, are the obvious: 1. you know yourself very well that you are not qualified (Requirement: 7000 hours of flying experience). 2. That some are not practical (insert Mom’s nagging tone: “You’re applying for a job as a Valet Attendant?!”). 3.That even if you can go back to the time when you were filling up college entrance forms, you do not have the talent to pass Fine Arts or Architecture or College of Music.

So are we really left with gazillion choices? Or is there just one itsy-bitsy tiny slot just meant for us out there? How do you find your place? Will it look for you as well? To whom should you ask for directions when you encountered detour? What does statistics tell us about trial and error method anyway? How many times do we have to fail in order to succeed? When do you stop thinking about your loved ones and start thinking for yourself in making decisions like this?

I feel like a four-year old kiddo joining Little Miss Philippines and trying to answer Tito, Vic and Joey’s infamous question: What do you want to be when you grow up? Kaya lang sa mga kiddos, you don't have to consider how much you will make; work location (local/overseas); how much efforts and time you have to render; how well you'll be compensated; and how qualified you are for the job.

Darn, I really want to try that Lifeguard and Fireman posts. Yeah, I have a hidden desire to be a superhero. :-I

For the past couple of days, I have started wondering what does really matter in life? Is it a fantastic career? A comfortable way of living? More free time to indulge on your non-profitable hobbies? Lots of money? Gourmet food? Travel? Latest gadgets? Nice car? Your own cozy unit? Can you really have it all? Will those really make me happy? Do I really want to aim for those things in the first place?

-----
I grew up in a middle-class family. We didn't have much, but we had just enough. I do not have a perfect family either. God knows how many times I dreamt of living a life without them. And God is wise, He didn't hear my plea and just left us stucked into each other's lives. And now, more than ever, I care not if I am going to have all of the above things. As long as God will be extra specially indulgent to me to stick us glued together even longer, amidst the strong current of challenges we're undergoing at the moment, I think I'd be more than satisfied. I'd be ecstatic even.

Maraming perverts sa mundo. Nagpaparamdam sila kapag may mga taong mukhang weakling at hindi sila makukuhang basagan ng bote sa ulo kapag nagpakitang-gilas sila ng kanilang very disturbing special talent. Hindi ko rin alam kung pano nila nade-determine ang mga pwede nilang maging biktima. Basta for one, hindi ka dapat maglalasing kasama ang strangers, or not so really close friends. Other than that very wise advise, wala na kong idea kung ano pang deciding factors nila.

Ilang beses na rin na-feature sa TV, nasulat sa magazines, at napag-usapan over family dinner kung pano mo po-protektahan ang sarili mo against those spawns of the devils. General Rule: DO NOT ACT SCARED. In fact, ang pinakamagandang dapat mong gawin ay ipahiya sila. SCREAM. Call them names very loudly. Make sure that everyone inside the jeep/bus/fx will know what’s happening, know what he’s doing.

When my officemate encountered one exhibitionist while she was riding a jeepney, she got so scared she got off the nearest stop. Sabi ko, “Hay naku, hindi titigil yan mga yan. Dapat daw sa mga gaya nyan eh pinapahiya! You shouldn’t have acted scared. You should have been very mad and disgusted.” See? I perfectly know how to deal with those perverts from hell, because I was not scared.

Last night, I left the office at 8ish in the evening. The usual route: long, lousy walk to MRT, got off Shaw Station, walk towards Edsa Central FX terminal. Lucky for me because there was no queue. I easily got a seat, sa gitna ng FX. There was mag-jowawers at my left side. Then a middle-aged man sat at my right, beside the door. Personally, I am OC when it comes to my personal space. Kahit magkatabi tayo sa jeep or bus or fx, I am conscious that no body parts of my seatmates ang dumidikit directly sa arms ko, or sa legs ko. Basta, I always find a way na iharang ang jacket ko, or bag ko or any other materials available. The moment a seatmate is leaning towards me and crossing the boundaries of my personal space, I shift position, move a little, just to make them aware that, hey, "move over or I’ll bite your head off!"

So when this man at my right was pa-simpleng dumidikit yun kamay niya sa legs ko, tinataas ko yun malaking bag ko at binabagsak ko with full force sa kamay niya. Kapag lumilingon siya sakin, tinititigan ko siya nang masama until he looked away. And when he exposed his disgusting you know what and jerk off beside me, I screamed at him with full anger and abhorrence! “YUUCK!!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT???!!! PUNYETA, ANG BASTOS NYO!!!” So everyone in the FX looked at him, called him names, cursed him, and the driver dragged his pathetic ass out. We left him in the middle of Floodway stripped off of his dignity. And for that, I am so sure that he will never, ever do it again in his entire lifetime. He will attend a counseling group called, “Exhibitionist Anonymous”, and introduce himself like, “Hello, my name is Elmer. And I am an Exhibitionist.” With shame for himself and for the generations under his name.

Yes, that’s what I did because I was not scared... Noh. Let me correct that. That was what I should have done if I didn't get so damn scared.

I got scared. So scared na nanginginig ako when I realized what he was doing. I pretended I didn’t know. But he was making every effort to force me to look. He was moving his hands at dumidikit talaga sa braso ko. PUTANG INA. My mind and common sense left me so shocked I was not moving at all. I felt like screaming everytime he looks at me directly. I was scared, mad, disgusted, and really, really, really damn scared. For a moment I thought I was not breathing. Am I dead? At that time, oh shit, I wish I were. That was the longest fx ride of my life. When he finally decided that he has done me enough torture to last a lifetime, he paid for his fare (Eeew, yuck Manong driver, wag mong abutin yun bayad! Yan yun kamay niyang gamit pang-ano…YUCK!!!!), he immediately got off along Angono Hi-way. After he closed the door, I was just sitting there, sa madilim na fx, tulala -- with the mag-jowawers beside me cuddling like crazy, the mag-kumares sa likod ko chikahan animatedly, the driver talking through his radio, and the rest of the passengers dozing off to dreamland.

When I arrived home, I couldn’t bring myself to talk about it to my Mom who cheerily greeted me at the door. Magwo-worry lang siya lalo sa gabi-gabi kong pag-uwi. She has enough worries now so hindi makakatulong ang masamang impormasyong dala ko. I just locked myself up in the bathroom, splashed cold water to my face, as I cried. If only I wasn’t that weak, and scared and a victim-material, eh di sana nasa Exhibitionist Anonymous na ngayon ang hinayupak na yun.

Moral Lesson:
Wala. Hindi ko na sasabihing "don't act scared". Kasi really, when you're there, the situation isn't going to be in black and white. So I just hope and pray that this will not happen to you. And tonight and for the coming nights, I will also pray that we'd be given enough strength and balls (no pun intended) to fight against every devils* we encounter everyday in our lives.

*devils - manyak, perverts, exhibtionists, magnanakaw, mamatay-tao, rapist, kidnapper, terrorista... you got the point.

*prrriiiiifft* (This was supposed to sound like a whistle)

Time's up! \(^o^)/

Let me take you back... home. ;-)

Ps. Thanks. I owe you. :)