Because great things happen when you take a bite...

1. Crying your eyes out to your barkada and rant about your pathetic little life. This is while your barkada screams the light out of you, then comment on the weather, and then threaten to kick your ass if you do not listen to a word she’s saying. And because you are worried about your pants getting soiled if she kicks you, you stop crying and start listening to every word she utters that both of you knew by heart to begin with. THEN, you’d find the light! (Not that light! Don’t go there!)

2. The next day, following #1: Getting a kick out of the dramas you made in your life. Yes, that means laughing at you for crying your eyes out. Very comforting, I know. (Read: sarcasm intended)

3. Openly betting on another barkada’s lovelife.

4. Spending 500 or more bucks for a single meal whenever you’re with the “others”. But when you're together, you die in thirst begging your barkada to buy one glass of Iced Tea – which all four of you will be sharing.

5. Never getting your barkada’s friend’s ("friend" being much to her denial) name right. Calling her Girlie, Wendielyn, Charlene, when her name is really……Rose..noh..Mary…noh…Ederlyn.. oh never mind, as long as you get the point.

6. Begging, yes, begging again, for one to pay for your fx fares. When he didn’t give in, you grab his change and …oh well.. forcefully keep it. When he resisted, you strangle him.

7. Planning your next getaway..noh, not the itineraries, just the prank you’ll gonna do to each other when you’re there.

8. Threatening and nagging your barkada to settle his TIN and SSS for Christ's sake because you don't want to supply his shelter, clothes and foods when he is old and gray and penniless.

Considering abovementioned factors, you forever wonder why you are friends with each other, trying to look for another set of company that can replace them, but really, come on, they’re the most fabulous things on earth, what else can you ask for? (Answers: PSP, money, brand new Ferrari, Euro tour, etc.)

Ps.
9. Getting bashed and screamed at for this entry.

Haha! I am so bored, I know. :p

THIS IS MY 100th POST!!!! Naaaks!
*applause*


-0-0-0-0-
Sharing phone conversation with Vietnamese:

Armine: Hello! Can you please connect me to the Sales Department?
Vietnamese: Alo! Yes? How can I help you?
A: Hi! Is this the Sales Department?
V: Ah…yes? How can I help you?
A: Hi! My name is Armine and I’m calling from Manila, Philippines.
V: Alo? Ma’am?
A: Yes, hi! Can you hear me clearly?
V: Hi! How can I help you?
A: Yes, this is regarding our event, called Asian Forum, in Saigon on September. We are ooking for budget hotels for our delegates…….
V: Alo? Ma’am? Ok. What is the room number you are calling?

This happened to me 5 times, with 5 different hotels. Mas mahaba pa dyan yun conversations ko sa iba kasi pinagpa-pasa-pasahan nila ko dahil di nila ko maintindihan. Haaaay. This is harder than I'd thought. Hindi nga ata ako marunong mag-ingles. I blame my english teachers for this. ^_^"

"I just wanna be on the beach. Sunburn!"

I am counting the days...then hours before the much-awaited Marinduque trip. For one, I'm dying to feel the sun on my skin in a more decent manner. Meaning, not while I'm sprinting my way to the office.

Next, I need a refresher! I need to see a different environment other than my office, MRT, fx rides and my room.

And I need to spend time with people I love rather than those I am forced to like. (Ok, let's not go further into details here. Good vibes, all!) I just wish he could come with us, though. It'll definitely be much more fun with him fooling around. *sigh* (I said, good vibes!)

Funny, I had an entry also last year about this Marinduque trip. I'm sooo glad it's finally pushing through.

-0-0-0-0-

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. As we used to do for the past several years, lagi kami asa Bulacan kasi may traditional "pabasa" or "pasyon" si Nanay (my mom's nanay) sa house niya. So yesteday is just one of those days, only a bit crazier:

Palm Sunday scene #1.

May katabi si Dad sa Church na matandang lalaki. He was so talkative we could all hear him mumble. During the homily, he was irritatingly saying to everyone who could here:

"Hay naku. Yang bibliya na yan eh ilang beses ko na nabasa. (bragging tone) Si Hesus eh anak nila Jose at Maria! Bakit ba 'tong si Father eh sabi nang sabi na si Hesus eh anak ni David???" (shaking his head in disbelief)

Eh bomalabs nga naman si Father eh noh? You could just imagined how we tried our very best not to burst into laughter. Haha!


Palm Sunday scene #2:

Para sa crucifix, Sto. Niño, and Mother Mary statue sa altar ng bahay ni Nanay for the pabasa, bumili si Dad ng maraming sampaguita. Naglalakad siya from the vendor's area to where we were standing, may lumapit sa kanyang matandang babae and told him, "Mama, penge ngang sampu (10-peso worth of samapaguita)."

Bwhahahaha!!! Na-tempt nga si Dad na ibenta yun mga sampaguita in a much higher price eh. :p

Palm Sunday scene #3:
Bibili si Dad ng dyaryo, so inabot nya sakin yun sampaguita.
In 10 seconds, may lumapit sakin na Ale at nagsabing, "Pabili nga."

Hahahahah!!!!!

Palm Sunday scene #4:

Wala naman. Just my brother making a scene sa kalagitnaan ng crowd.

"Ano, ate, kamukha ko na ba si Sto. Niño?"

*insert rolling eyes here*

2AM conversation with my cousins Norene, 10 y.o and Nia, 8 y.o.:

Norene: Don't you hate it when people tell you, "Uy, mas matangkad na siya (referring to her younger sister, Nia) syo!" or "Naabutan ka na nya oh."
Armine: Nah, it's ok. You'll get used to it. Buti ka nga, Nia's just 2 years younger than you. Eh with me, Kuya Arvie is 4 years younger but way taller than me.
Norene: Why, ate, how old are you?
Armine: 24.
Norene: Whoa! You're 24 already, you should be married.
Armine (offended): Hey! I'm too young to get married!
Nia (in a matter-of-fact tone): But Ate Mayee got married at 20.
Norene: yeah!
Nia: And you already have a boooyfriend.
Norene: How old is he anyway?
Armine: Same age as mine. We're friends since highschool.
Norene (shocked): You're friends before then you became boyfriend-girlfriend???
Armine: Yeah.
Norene: Eeeew! That's gross.
Nia: Yeah. Eeew.
Norene (in a sleepy tone): Ate?
Armine: Yeah?
Norene: You're old.

WTF!!!!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
My inaanak-slash-pamangkin, Mafae, in a candid-just-stating-an-observation tone: Ate? Di ba matanda ka na, isip-bata ka lang?


Anubah???? What's wrong with these kids??
...What's wrong with me??

I know nagkakagulo na ang bansa (Madam GMA just declared state of national emergency). Pero para pampalamig ulo, ito na munang mga bloopers ang para sa mahal kong blog. :)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-

I was in 2^nd year college nung nagkaron kaming ultimate crush ng mga gurl friends ko sa isang god-like na nilalang. One time, naglalakad kami ni Aila sa AS walk, galing kaming Chem Pav, papuntang AS 101. Valentine’s Day nun. Isang org yung rumaket na pwede mong bayaran sila para kuhanan ng picture yung crush mo.

Aila: Hay naku noh! As if naman magbabayad ako ng 30 pesos para dun! Cheap ha!

Me: Asus! Eh kung si PAUL (Middle Name) (Last Name) ang kuhanan,,,naked?!

Aila (naughty smile): Ah..eh iba na yu… uhm.. *natahimik & dahan-dahang dumikit sa ‘kin*

Me: Hala! Para kang nakakita ng multo…hehehe!

Aila: Arms..nasa uhm..nasa likod siya..

Me (lalong lumakas ang boses): HELLO?! Ang tagal-tagal ko nang di nakikita yun noh?! Ngayon pa ba siya susulpot sa likod ko kung kelan pinagsisigawan ko yung buong name niya?!” *shaked head in disbelief*

Aila (whispering): Arms…ngayon pa ba ko magjo-joke nang ganito..?

I slowly turned my head to my right para makita siya sa peripheral vision ko. And the guy was exactly 2 steps behind me…

Me: Aila…? Takbo na tayo…please??

A couple of years after, nakita ko ulet si Paul. He was formally introduced to me by a close friend. Wala namang bakas ng pagkakakilanlan sa mga mata niya. Pero magkasabi ko ng “hi” tumalikod na ko, mahirap na! Haha!

-=-=-=-=-

I was in 3^rd year college. Merong whole day activity yung org na ina-apply-an namin ni Aila pero di kami naka-attend nung umaga. So lunch time, sa CASAA, nakita namin yung mga co-apps namin.

Me (smiling): Hey! What’s up? Anong ginawa niyo kanina?

Co-app #1 (cheerful): Hmm…wala naman.

Me (still smiling): I see. Thanks!

Me (smiling): Uy, hello! Busy ba kanina? Maraming ginawa?

Co-app # 2 (very perky): Hi, Arms & Aila! Kanina? Hinde, wala naman masyado.

And I had the same conversations with co-apps 3, 4 & 5.

Me (irritated, eyebrow raised; to Aila): Pot@h! Buong umaga sila dun wala raw silang ginawa? Loko pala yung mga yun!

Aila (whispering): Ahem! Arms…?

Me (getting the idea): Lintek! Tell me nasa likod ko sila!!! Tell me!

Aila (couldn’t hold her laughter): Mamamatay ka talaga sa saksak..

I turned around and wouldn’t you know, nasa table sila sa likod ko.

Me: … I know..saksak sa likod, pare.

I tried to be Miss Congeniality to that org ever since. Sabihin na lang nating mahal ko pa ang buhay ko.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Last year. First time pumunta ni Jac sa house namin. Kasama niya si Rhyan. Kakaulan lang nun so “slippery when wet” ang mode ng backyard namin. Nagpumilit si Rhyan na pumunta sa likod bahay para silayan ang 3 pet turtles ko. Ako naman, attempting to be a graciuos hostess, eh sinundan siya.

Rhyan: Ate Arms, ingat ka ha, madu……

*BLAAAAG!*

Me: Whaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For a split second, nakatulala sa akin si Rhyan, si Jac, my bro & my Mom..

Fudget...... WHY ME di ba???? WHY?????

Si Rhyan nagdadalawang isip kung pupuntahan na ba ako o tatawa muna. Medyo mabilis ang mga pangyayari, nawindang ang EQ at IQ niya (yeah, naiintidihan ko sya). Although tinulungan niya kong tumayo eh tao lang siya, at natatawa rin. Sad.

Si Jac, nanahimik….

Jac (very concerned tone): Oh noh..arms???

Until she couldn’t take it any longer…

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haaay…Lord..

-=-=-=-=-=-

2006 UP Fair: EraserFest. Nagpapa-henna tatoo ang beloved barkada kong si Ann. Since naka-upo siya sa dulo ng bench, she asked us na umupo sa tabi niya nung mag-alisan yung mga nakaupo dun. Kaso lang may nakaharang na booth dun so hindi ko makikita ang..

Emcee: Peyups, give it up for KAMIKAZE!!!

Shit, ito na pinaka-aantay kong banda!

So tumayo ako sa bench. Pero malayo pa rin eh. So bumaba na lang ako. Paghakbang ko…….you guessed it mga ‘tol..

*BLAG!!!*

Oh man. ME AGAIN??????

Naging madilim lalo sa paningin ko ang madilim na ngang Sunken Garden. Napaisip ako.. nagdasal..Sana Lord panaginip lang..

But noh, pagdilat ko, humahagalpak na ng tawa si Ann. At si Chard (note: he's my beloved) natulala..at napatanong..

Chard: “uy, ok ka lang?”

Me: Uhm…

(HELLO!!!!! NASA LUPA AKO, MUKHA BA KONG OK????)

Pero hindi ko na yun nasabi kasi tao lang sila, nasha-shoked din. Kaya siguro hindi nila agad ako naintindihang kailangan ko ng tulong para makatayo.

Syet na malupet! Ako lang may kaya nun! Ako lang ang may lakas ng loob na umagaw ng eksena sa Kamikaze for all the Fair people to see. Ako lang! Ako lang ata ang tanga.

-=-=-=-=-=-

Sabi nga ng bestfriend ko: Bakit kung kelan tumatanda tayo tsaka ka nahihilig sa public entertainment?

Hay ewan ko ba. Baka stunt woman or Dolphy-wannabe ako nung past life ko.

-=-=-=-=-=-
* Anyway, let's hope and pray na matapos na ang lahat ng kaguluhan na 'to na nangyayari sa ating bansa.

May mga taong pinanganak sa mundo para maging doktor, lawyer, engineer, artist, o maging presidente ng bansa. Sa titulo pa lang, alam mo na agad kung anong silbi nila. Pero napatunayan kong meron din sadyang isinilang para maging chismosa, inggitera, intrigera at pakialamera. At dahil bum ako (note: idle mind), pagtutuunan ko muna sila ng pansin dito sa blog ko. Bwahahaha!

Leche yun mga kapit-bahay namin. Hindi ko ma-imagine ang sarili ko na nakatira sa ibang bayan, dahil dito lang ako sa aming village naka-encounter ng mga gaya nila na umiikot ang mundo sa buhay ng ibang tao. Very amusing kind of life, if you ask me. And yeah, add “pathetic” to the list. Pero source of entertainment din naming “pag-chismisan” ang pagiging “chismosa” nila. Lalo na kapag nagkatagpu-tagpo ng landas yun mga taong pinag-aaway nila at sinisiraan nila sa isa’t-isa.

Victim # 1 (galit): “Hoy! Ano raw ‘tong naririnig kong marami akong utang?!”
Victim # 2 (mas galit): “Excuse me! Sabi mo nga raw may anak akong addict!”
Victim # 1 (nagtataka): “Talaga?! Sinabi ko raw yun?”
Victim # 2 (nagtataka na rin): “Oo raw. At sabi pa nga, sabi mo pa raw…blah blah blah…”
Victim # 1 (napapaisip): “Eh di ba nasa US ako nun?”
Victim # 2 (kalmado na): “Oo nga eh. Naisip ko nga rin yun eh..”
Victim # 1 & 2 (hahagalpak ng tawa): Bwahahahahahah!!!!!
Victim # 1: Ang kulet ng mga naimbento nilang kwento! Bwahahaha!
Victim # 2: Baka nagbabasa na komiks yun noh? Bwahahah!

Ngayon alam ko na kung sino ang role models ng mga kontrabida sa mga telenovela.
Kapit-bahay din namin ang kapitan ng aming baranggay (Syetness, probinsyang-probinsya. Hahaha!) So anyway, galit siya sa isa pang kapit-bahay namin na itago na lang natin sa pangalang si Mr. Y na kinaiinggitan niya at ng kanyang asawang “writer” daw. Dahil sa nakikita niyang ka-close namin sila neighbor Mr. Y, kasama na rin kami sa list ng mga taong ginagawa niyang panira ng araw nila. Kami naman ay deadma lang. So anyway, itong si Mr. Y eh nagpataas ng bakuran. Yun as in di mo makikita from the street yung bahay nila. Nireklamo ni Kapitan ang pagpapatayo niya ng swimming pool. Baka raw wala tapunan ng tubig. Duh! Ever heard of drainage system? Tapos araw-araw dinadaanan ng Altis, Frontier at Pajero ni Kapitan yun mga halaman ni Mr. Y sa tapat ng bahay nila. Itong lokong Mr. Y, naglagay ng statues ng mga gnomes sa bakuran niya. At yung mga gnomes ay naka-dirty finger at nakalabas ang butt, exposed directly sa dumadaan sa mga halaman niya. Bwahahahahah!!!! Laughtrip! So si Kapitana (asawa ni Kapitan) ay namumula sa galit. Dapat daw yun patanggal dahil nakaka-pollute daw ng isip ng mga kabataan. Wtf??? “pollute the mind of the youth my @$$!” Kelan pa siya naging isang mabuting huwaran sa mga kabataan? Kung di nga niya dinadaanan yun mga halaman ng kapit-bahay namin eh hindi niya papansinin yung mga Gnomes eh. So sinong guilty? Pero pinaka-panalo sa lahat eh yun araw-araw niyang pag-akyat sa isang ladder para lang masilip kung anong nagaganap sa bahay nila Mr. Y dahil naghihinala na raw siya na baka pedophile na raw ito… *syet! Gumugulong na ko sa floor nang katatawa*

Meron din silang amusing stories about sa amin, pero di gaanong kasing exciting nga mga chismis niya sa ibang kabahayan. Boring ata kami kasi di nila kami gaanong nakikita. Except for that one time nung nagja-jogging ang Dad ko (lagi siyang nagja-jogging every afternoon, minsan kasama Mom ko, pero this time, he was on his own), nakita niya ang local version namin ng paparazzi.

Dad: “Good afternoon, Mrs. (The Buzz)!”
Mrs. The Buzz (serious, accusing tone): “Alam mo ikaw, lagi na lang kita nakikitang nag-ja-jogging papunta sa street na yun. May babae ka dun noh?”
Dad (poker face): Meron nga.

Bwahaha! Ang lupet talaga nun. Sana magkaroon na ng excitement ang buhay nila para di na sila nakikisawsaw sa excitement ng buhay ng iba. Yun lang. :)

I got this one from a forwarded e-mail. I just need to post it. Funny and very informative. Hahaha!

Note to self: Read the following tips before committing suicide.

*******************************************************************

TIPS PARA SA LIGTAS, MAGINHAWA, AT DI MALILIMUTANG PAMAMAALAM SA MUNDO:

1. Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan sa pagsu-suicide. Kung ang problema mo lamang ay dahil sa wala kang pera o iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, hindi ka dapat magpakatiwakal. Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong mahalin at ang pera ay pede mong kitain, kaya hindi ka dapat mawalan ng pag - asa. Ang pagkitil sa sariling buhay ay KARAPATAN LAMANG ng mga taong gumagamit ng cellphone at nakikipagkwentuhan sa loob ng sinehan.

2. kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mong pagpapakamatay at sa tingin mo meron kang tamang dahilan para gawin ito, ang susunod mong hakbang ay ang pagpili ng PARAAN NG PAGPAPAKAMATAY. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbibigti, pag - inom ng lason, pagtalon sa riles ng tren, pagbaril sa ulo ( o sa puso kung wala ka ng ulo pero buhay ka pa din ) at paglaslas ng pulso. Ang mga jologs naman na paraan ay ang pagtalon sa EDSA at pagpigil ng hininga. Tandaan, maari kang mabuhay pag nagkamali ka sa pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggtit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na HIYANG sa'yo. Bukod dyan, marami rin sa mga paraang ito ang MAKALAT at NAKAKA- PANGIT. Dyahe naman kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao yung mukha mo sa ataul tapos mukha kang dehydrated na langaw.

3. Sumulat ng suicide note. Ito ang exciting. Dito pwede mong sisihin lahat ng tao at wala silang magagawa. Sabihin mo na hindi mo gusting tapusin ang buhay mo kaso lang bad trip silang lahat. Pero wag din kakalimutang humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli para mas cool pag ginawa ni Carlo J. Caparas ang buhay mo. At tandaan, IMPORTANTE ANG SUICIDE NOTE para malaman ng mga tao na nagpakamatay ka nga at hindi na - murder. Sa ganitong paraan, maiiwasan ng PNP ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay bilang suspect.

4. Pumili ng THEME SONG. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide note. Ipagbilin ng pagtugtugin nito sa prusisyon ng iyong libing. IWASAN ang mga kanta ng Salbakuta. DAPAT MEDYO MELLOW at MEANINGFUL...tulad ng mga kanta ng Sexbomb.

5. Isulat ng MAAYOS ang suicide note. PRINT. Iwasang magbura. Gumamit ng scented stationary at #1 mongol pencil. Lagdaan. Wag gumamit ng sticker. Ilagay ang suicide note sa MADALING MAKITA. IDIKIT SA NOO.

6. PLANUHIN ANG ISUSUOT. Tandaan, minsan ka lang mamamatay, kaya dapat memorable ang get - up. Pumili ng mga telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan. Magbaon ng dalawang pares pampalit pag pinagpawisan ka.

7. Kumuha ng de - kalidad na ataul. Maganda ang kulay puti dahil malamig at kumportable kahit tag - init. Huwag magtipid. Mas makakamura kung bibili ng cable ready kesa magpapalit pa balang araw.

8. Pumili ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Ang puntod ng mga taong ipinanganak sa year of the rat, dragon, rabbit, snake, tiger, chicken, pork, at beef ay dapat nakaharap sa Fiesta Carnival. Ang mga ipinanganak sa ibang taon ay dapat i-cremate at gawing foot powder para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

9. Itaon ang araw ng libing sa unang dalawang linggo ng buwan o di kaya'y huling dalawang linggo para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

10. Kung meron ka ng NBI, at police clearance, affidavit of loss, voter's ID, promissory note, original copy of birth certificate, at urine sample, pwde mo ng isagawa ang kalugod - lugod na gawain. Siguraduhin lang na di ka mababalita sa tabloid katabi ng mga article tungkol sa kabayong tatlo ang ulo, at sirenang namataan sa Manila Bay para gumaan ang pasok ng pera.

I somehow believe that being good is a selfish act. People do "good" things for self-gratification, and not really for the mere reason of helping out or making others happy. I did a random act of goodness towards a stranger this early morning, and the smile that kid stranger had given me was enough to keep me cheery all day. Then it dawned on me while I was inside a PUJ on my way home from school. Doing "good" deeds for others makes do-ers feel "good" about themselves. So really, if you gonna think it further, doing something "good" for other people is nothing far from having a sexual intercourse. You don't do it just to please your partner. More than anything else, you do it for yourself because it gives you pleasure. So the same thing goes for acting kind, understanding, thoughtful or generous towards others. The happy feeling other people get is just a by-product of your intention to make yourself feel good. No selfless act there, no way.

What's interesting is that this concept also applies to life, death, and most evidently, to love. As Anjo put it, "selfish talaga ang love, Pau." I couldn't agree more.

So I was thinking, if selfishness reveals itself in both good and bad actions, then what could have been an example of a selfless act? Christ dying to redeem us, perhaps. But how about some normal human being actions?

Funny. Virtues, love and sex are all printed on the same page of the book after all. Now I can see what "generous" and "merciful" people feel when they give alms to beggars. Orgasmic? :)

+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
Scenario: Lazy 8am, freezing cold classroom, bored Armine, Jac & Rhyan at the back seat row,next to our College Secretary/Professor. Eternally waiting for the reporters to begin. My phone beeped. I read the message. Hit the reply button and pressed the keys. Rhyan was breaking his neck as he tried to read what I was typing. I turned my back on him and continued texting.

Rhyan: At bakit kinikilig ka???? Nakakahiya ka!!! Kinikilig ka????!!!! Ang landi-landi mo!!!

By now, all heads had turned to me and I was trying to decide as to whether sapakin si Rhyan for broadcasting it, or shrink myself until I disappear coz he was so telling the truth. Fuckers! I can't help it, the text message was from you know who! :) *referring to the previous journal entry*

Funny, funny this comic strip! Thanks to Lloydie. I can totally relate. This guy practically pulled those words out of my mouth, I swear! hahaha!